Throughout history there civilizations have come and gone…. And in this there has always been a destroying of the old order – before the new could arise.
Whenever something collapses, or is destroyed, there will be panic stations going off all over the place – this is mainly because no-one enjoys it when the status quo is threatened, or when the carpet is pulled from underneath their feet …. Dangling in mid-air might be wonderful for acrobats used to doing this, and being fine-tuned and trained for this – but not for the average man and woman.
At this moment this is mostly profoundly felt in society – and then in relationships. It is mostly because the old system of having a partner, procreating together and then staying happily together forever after is simply not happening anymore.
I do believe that we are having to deal with a paradigm shift here – in that we are finally being faced with the collective woes of all the relating which has gone before us. Relating is mainly learnt via our parents, who learnt it from their parents, who learnt it from their parents etc. This of course makes for chaos, for when two people with a completely different set of parents and ancestral history come together, they not only relate to each other, but also to all the ancestral pattern before that.
When I worked in the Archives in the Museum it was quite striking to me, how many people would suddenly become interested in the family history, and then strike a blank. Why? Because every family has a family skeleton somewhere, and most of them might have been deeply buried – but they tend to pop up time and again, when it is most inconvenient for all the parties involved. I had people crying or being utterly bewildered when the truth finally came out via papers, long after the scandal, or whatever had happened.
Why am I mentioning this? Well, I think we all have to go back and read up the history of how the wedded life started – and then the western concept of this. For in the east weddings were always handled a bit differently, and in most cases are still arranged between the families even today. When I worked in the Middle East, most of the girls I was teaching knew that would have no choice as to whom they would be wed too – and this kind of gives a different expectation to life – very different from the western romanticized one!
I have always loved reading Medieval history and I came across a hilarious book where the whole story unfolded of where marriage rites came from. Mostly, the Kings, Dukes and Royalty of the Ancient Germanic and Celtic lines were not particularly concerned with tying the knot. They all had so-called wives and concubines and some on the side, and then of course a lot of children were born. Mostly, just before such a person died, he would indicate who his heir would be – not necessarily the first-born – most often the one most capable of taking over the mantle.
The first church fathers were at loss as how to deal with this – mostly because the offspring started killing each other as jealousy arose, and then, the wives and concubines started bickering amongst each other as well. What was more, is that more royal or higher ranking you were, the more likely it started becoming that you were wed to someone because of her dowry or title and whatever went with this. This of course, then led to more bickering, killing and rivalry as the relatives of those whose dowry now came into consideration with the entry of a newcomer, started voicing their protests.
So the church decided to take matter in hand and to proclaim that from hence forth the King, and royalty had to get married, lawfully and with the blessing of the church. This would mean that King could only have ONE lawful wedded wife and then her offspring would inherit the title.
It took a few hundred years before the church had the whole lot under some kind of control – not that that prevented the said parties from still having a lot of women and children on the sidelines.
The Celtic people had the tradition of hand-fasting, where the couple got betrothed for one year, living as man and wife, and then after a year could either part ways, or get married. This solved a lot of problems, for at least if they found something intolerant about the betrothed they could part ways amicably.
Now, the institution of marriage to me is faltering at the seams, and has done so for quite a while. For as in the beginning it might have solved the problems of dowry and inheritance disputes, it did create another problem, and that is the fact that in a lot of ways the marriage certificate became of slip of paper declaring OWNERSHIP and therefore CONTROL.
No lawyer will dispute this, for going into divorce cases often becomes more of a legal wrangle and mud slinging than a true mud-slinging party.
What was supposed to have been a sacred and sanctified union becomes a state of war.
So what has happened? To me this has been happening for quite a long time: Take a hundred years or so there was an immense stigma about divorce that had both parties sticking to the status quo, rather than face scandal. Yet, in the last thirty years or so, this has become the norm, rather than the exception. Just look at the rising divorce statistics. Couples living together go through the same type of trauma – even though not having to resort to court cases – some do – because of homes etc. collectively owned. The painful parting is by no mean lesser, whether co-habiting together or being married.
To me is simply means that all of this is in state of destruction. It is nothing to be feared but rather to be seen as a return to the HEART. It is a return to the understanding that we have to take responsibility for our own happiness and our own heart – thus to BECOME WHOLE AND COMPLETE WITHIN OURSELVES, BEFORE WE CAN BE BECOME EVEN MORE HOLY WHOLE WITH THE DIVINE OTHER.
The funny thing is we will always attract those partners to us, who will reflect our unwholiness back to us, the parts within ourselves we have not OWNED or made peace with.
It is like they turn on the spotlight on all our emotional wounds, all those scary corners where we do not like delving into, and then ask us to go and clean up the mess in there.
Nobody likes doing this kind of work. It hurts digging out the family skeletons, and all those incidents where we got hurt, or angry, or where we built fortresses around our hearts, or refused to open up our hearts, or shrunk away in pain and confusion. It hurts to have skin after skin removed and then to step out into the spotlight completely and utterly naked, with no-one to hide. All our imperfections, our light and shadow sides, are there to be seen by other…. There is no place of us, inside and outside, which the other cannot see.
The masks have finally come off!
Now, we can get AUTHENTIC, REAL! Now we can LOVE COMPLETELY, WHOLELY AND MOST OF ALL OURSELVES.
Then, when we have learnt to love ALL of our nakedness, all of our vulnerability, we can open up our bodies, our minds, our spirits and souls and OPEN OURSELVES UP FOR DIVINE UNION…. THE SACRED AND SANCTIFIED UNION ….
When a woman is open to the core of her heart, she can open up her whole womb area to be completely filled in her innermost sacred sanctuaries of her heart and soul and womb by a man, whom she TRUSTS AND LOVES COMPLETELY AND WHOLLY.
When MAN can GIVE HIS WHOLE HEART, BODY, MIND, SPIRIT AND SOUL AND PROTECT THAT INTO HIS MANHOOD, WITH ALL HIS VULNERABILITY, HIS FEARS AND HIS BRAVERY – ALL OF HIM – NO HOLD BARS – AND PENETRATE A WOMAN WITH ALL THAT HE IS – WHOLLY PRESENT – THEN HE PRESENTS A WOMAN WITH ALL OF HIM – HIS HEART, HIS SOUL = HIS ALL.
In return they receive and give WHOLLY and then CREATE A GREATER WHOLE …. TWO COMPLETE WHOLES HELD WITHIN A GREAT CIRCLE – THE CIRCLE OF THE DIVINE HOLINESS ITSELF.
Herein lies the revolution – AND WHAT A JOYOUS AND SACRED REVOLUTION THIS IS!
There is no ownership, no controlling, no winner or loser in such a union – THERE IS PROFOUND AND UTTER ONESELF WHICH ITSELF BECOME TRANSCENDENTAL BLESSED AND PROFOUND!
IT is love in its highest form, and it is love which sets the other free to be whole and complete within him/herself and then to DIVINE UNION WITHIN A GREATER WHOLE!
Such is the blessing of this time!